Disciple of INDYCAR Weblog

January 22, 2014

The Indianapolis Motor Mobile Home Estates

Filed under: The Disciple Blogs — Disciple of INDYCAR @ 2:34 pm

Showtime airs a series called ‘House of Lies.’ It involves youngish, brash consultants who work with a very Boston Consulting Group-like entity. For the main characters it is all about scoring big bucks from the rubes they talk into hiring them. Perhaps BCG did not lead IMS far enough down the path of least common sense while draining even more of the Hulman family fortune.

My wife shook me awake last night after nightmares borne of this little-too-close-to-reality got a little out of control. Evidently my subconscious was considering some frightening what-ifs.

Indy Motor CourtThere is more opportunity for recurring revenue if the facility is converted immediately into the world’s largest and most famous trailer park. Lot fees, after all, are collected monthly and not just two or three times a year. The inside of a 2.5 mile rectangle can accommodate a high density of mobile homes, especially double-wides, particularly along the winding Mickey Mouse Way which has been recently completely resurfaced and won’t need pothole patching for many years.

Garages that dot the facility can be rented to affluent, high value tenants willing to pay even more per month. A grand scale mobile home park with garages would certainly be a first in that market sector.

Get Donald Davidson into a nursing home ASAP. Hire some slacker whose breadth of knowledge goes no earlier than 1990 who feels most facility history is fictional anyway. Instead of merely having a blowhard who relives history should we not employ someone who can invent it on the spot to fit any situation? That person can multi-task as well, perhaps bussing tables in the bowling alley the present museum will be converted into. Pete Dye is also a very old man not in the target demo. His handful of golf course holes inside the oval can be easily turned into at least eight distinct miniature golf courses, making them accessible to far more fans, and their dollars.

EquipmentThe inside of the old turn 1 would make a really nice flea market. Think of the bucks you could generate selling the jalopies from the future bowling alley to nostalgic old men. Since the inside of the old turn 4 already contains a lot of sand that makes a perfect place for lots of playground equipment. The mounds they built for spectators? They were really nice with good sightlines and a nice breeze. Two words for repurposing: Community clotheslines. Think out of the box. You could rent the space. These will be necessary because the old Hanna Medical Center, after being converted into a laundromat, probably still would not ever contain enough working dryers, and besides they still cost money.

The old turn two suites? Perfect for a motel, either by the hour or for when cousin Eddie and his family come to visit, and you can get to it out of the view of most of the trailers. Win-win.

The north 40 is still part of the property, but not really the scenic part. That would be the perfect place for the Sunnyvale junkyard. Instead of cars up on blocks outside trailers, why not outside the loop in an area that already has that ambiance anyway? Plus, it’s fenced.

Since there technically would be no more Speedway, move to change the name of the town and the facility to Sunnyvale. Make the pagoda the official government building for the town of Sunnyvale. Tear down all the stands in the turns but keep the main straightaway stands. Tractor pulls and monster truck events still sell a lot of tickets. In the turns bring back the following culinary and entertainment choices for the key demographics: White Castle. Steak N’ Shake. Liquor stores. Check cashing/tobacco establishments. Perhaps even a ‘nasty’ bar, but more out of the way where no one will notice; e.g., at the outside entrance to the old turn 3. After all, Sunnyvale should be a good Christian community.

In order to make that happen, the following organizational chart should be embraced:

IMS Org Chart

….and so as I was shaken awake and more coherent reasoning kicked in fright eventually crept back as the realization something like that could actually happen became apparent. After all, the dramatically deteriorated physical plant is on display for everyone to see. We should enjoy it while it lasts.

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6 Comments »

  1. Wow, Defender, you are having a tough time with the sorry state of affairs over at 16th and Georgetown…I would laugh if the desperate situation did not make me cry…I will continue to travel to Indy and attend the Greatest Spectacle in Racing on the last Sunday in May until the series folds, the track is demolished to make way for low income housing and/or a Wal-Mart or the France family acquires the track and turns the same into a giant flea market…how did it come to this????
    Editor’s Note: Rubes hiring sweet talkers who have zero idea about maintaining a legacy.

    Comment by Neil Rubin — January 22, 2014 @ 3:27 pm | Reply

    • Again, if the HG fambly was so good at this racing biz, how did they end up having to give the keys to an adult?
      Editor’s Note: Again, carried over from your last pointless missive, who ever said they were good at the racing business? At least they did not allow their own egos to drive them clean out of business. Twice. Again, the point of the piece that has thus far eluded even the brightest among your kind (not saying much) is that despite the mumbling, lack of business chops and an ‘aw shucks’ way of doing business they always took care of the track and made it sparkle a little more with each passing year. Now that it isn’t the case the grotesque deterioration of the facility has become apparent, and you may as well stick an old washer and dryer on the porch, hand out soiled beaters to Miles, Boles and crew, load the fridge with PBR and wait for a building or a stand to cave in on itself. Again, Use your brain sometime.

      Comment by youowemeabeerasshole — January 22, 2014 @ 7:50 pm | Reply

      • Anybody can spend money and continually make something look nice, but what good is it if it is not sustainable?
        Editor’s Note: It was sustainable until Tony George got voted out. When the bean counters took over the rush back to 1945 was on. That is obvious by just casually glancing at most any part of the facility.

        Obviously they “sucked” at running a business, and the grownups, accountants and lawyers had to come in and put a stop to it.
        Editor’s Note: …..because they are doing so much better. LOL.

        I am sure you are smart enough to understand the financial shape the place is in BECAUSE they spend like drunken coke-addled Orange County Housewives (I am sure you watch that show regularly). C’mon. You cannot have it both ways. Its like the NFL rookie who blows all his money on a Bentley and a penthouse, then can’t figure out why he’s broke 2 years later when his career is over. The product SUCKED!
        Editor’s Note: Which is it, crapper….they are not financial wizards or the product sucks? I think you are trying to hard to get your talking points out there. We get it.

        Comment by youowemeabeerasshole — January 22, 2014 @ 9:36 pm

  2. It’s both. The product sucks, so it will never be sustainable.
    Editor’s Note: How is it this sucky product has been sustained for over 100 years?

    They spent all the money dressing up the track instead of the product. And you keep caring. THAT’S the funniest part.
    Editor’s Note: Actually the funniest part are in denial kids who foolishly believe the track does not matter in terms of sustainability, particularly after entities that espoused that particular philosophy actually did fail. Twice.

    Comment by youowemeabeerasshole — January 23, 2014 @ 2:23 am | Reply

    • b/c it obv isn’t the same product and it isnt being run by the same people. even you know that.
      Editor’s Note: Thank goodness. If it was, the historical record shows it WOULD be out of business.

      Comment by big gwuop — January 24, 2014 @ 1:52 am | Reply

  3. Defender, you are missing some great opportunities. 16th and Georgetown Used Cars. Who would not buy a car from Indy Motors? Since they say the older people are the only ones still into Indycar, seize the future with Indianapolis Motor Speedway Memorial Gardens. What better place to spend your after life years? Who would not want to be buried just inside turn 1? What a business opportunity.

    What a go cart track that oval would make for the kids. Charge by the minute. Let the kids really enjoy themselves. Are you listening IMS board?

    Comment by Bob F. — January 23, 2014 @ 2:00 pm | Reply


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