Showtime airs a series called ‘House of Lies.’ It involves youngish, brash consultants who work with a very Boston Consulting Group-like entity. For the main characters it is all about scoring big bucks from the rubes they talk into hiring them. Perhaps BCG did not lead IMS far enough down the path of least common sense while draining even more of the Hulman family fortune.
My wife shook me awake last night after nightmares borne of this little-too-close-to-reality got a little out of control. Evidently my subconscious was considering some frightening what-ifs.
There is more opportunity for recurring revenue if the facility is converted immediately into the world’s largest and most famous trailer park. Lot fees, after all, are collected monthly and not just two or three times a year. The inside of a 2.5 mile rectangle can accommodate a high density of mobile homes, especially double-wides, particularly along the winding Mickey Mouse Way which has been recently completely resurfaced and won’t need pothole patching for many years.
Garages that dot the facility can be rented to affluent, high value tenants willing to pay even more per month. A grand scale mobile home park with garages would certainly be a first in that market sector.
Get Donald Davidson into a nursing home ASAP. Hire some slacker whose breadth of knowledge goes no earlier than 1990 who feels most facility history is fictional anyway. Instead of merely having a blowhard who relives history should we not employ someone who can invent it on the spot to fit any situation? That person can multi-task as well, perhaps bussing tables in the bowling alley the present museum will be converted into. Pete Dye is also a very old man not in the target demo. His handful of golf course holes inside the oval can be easily turned into at least eight distinct miniature golf courses, making them accessible to far more fans, and their dollars.
The inside of the old turn 1 would make a really nice flea market. Think of the bucks you could generate selling the jalopies from the future bowling alley to nostalgic old men. Since the inside of the old turn 4 already contains a lot of sand that makes a perfect place for lots of playground equipment. The mounds they built for spectators? They were really nice with good sightlines and a nice breeze. Two words for repurposing: Community clotheslines. Think out of the box. You could rent the space. These will be necessary because the old Hanna Medical Center, after being converted into a laundromat, probably still would not ever contain enough working dryers, and besides they still cost money.
The old turn two suites? Perfect for a motel, either by the hour or for when cousin Eddie and his family come to visit, and you can get to it out of the view of most of the trailers. Win-win.
The north 40 is still part of the property, but not really the scenic part. That would be the perfect place for the Sunnyvale junkyard. Instead of cars up on blocks outside trailers, why not outside the loop in an area that already has that ambiance anyway? Plus, it’s fenced.
Since there technically would be no more Speedway, move to change the name of the town and the facility to Sunnyvale. Make the pagoda the official government building for the town of Sunnyvale. Tear down all the stands in the turns but keep the main straightaway stands. Tractor pulls and monster truck events still sell a lot of tickets. In the turns bring back the following culinary and entertainment choices for the key demographics: White Castle. Steak N’ Shake. Liquor stores. Check cashing/tobacco establishments. Perhaps even a ‘nasty’ bar, but more out of the way where no one will notice; e.g., at the outside entrance to the old turn 3. After all, Sunnyvale should be a good Christian community.
In order to make that happen, the following organizational chart should be embraced:
….and so as I was shaken awake and more coherent reasoning kicked in fright eventually crept back as the realization something like that could actually happen became apparent. After all, the dramatically deteriorated physical plant is on display for everyone to see. We should enjoy it while it lasts.