Indy 500 Qualifying – What A Weekend!

A few observations following a great weekend of qualifying for the Indianapolis 500:

-Ed Carpenter on the pole is a fantastic story. It was very popular with the locals, short track enthusiasts, other drivers, most actual fans and the press. He did a wonderful job beating the big boys with his little team. He also has a sponsor that is actively involved. Bitter lunatics still living in a previous century have already been chiding the effort, using such insane rhetoric as ‘the fix is in’ and other such blatant insanity/immaturity. The racing community cannot cleanse itself of such poisonous vermin fast enough for real racing fans. Can you imagine the incoherent howling if he wins the race?

-Those same yelping, obsessed mental patients were wrong again this year. Checking the box scores I see that 33 teams and drivers will start the race again this year.

-Most of us still do not really like the gimmicky qualifying games IndyCar seems insistent on playing. Artificial bumping after 24 get in the first day seems really silly and manufactured. The fast nine is fine, but the way they did it after the rain delay this year should be the template. One shot, slowest to fastest, and line up the first three rows accordingly.

-34 cars for 33 spots is simply not enough. ‘Bump Day’ featured zero bumps. Mark Miles and crew need to figure out a way to attract over 40 teams a year to make it compelling. The limits placed upon capacity by manufacturers, costs, etc., must be resolved this year. Now. I stuck around until 6, but don’t really know why.

-The flirting with 230 this year titillated the thousand in attendance on Friday and Saturday. It’s a big draw.

-IMS needs to expand the racing line and cut the grass between the track and the warm-up lanes in half. That said, once the cars qualified and practiced race setups on Sunday, there was plenty of two-wide through the corners.

-To anyone who actually (and foolishly) believes the month of May should be contracted even more to five days or less: You still do not understand what Indy actually means to the entire sport. You are crazy. Such ignorance can never be tolerated. If anything it should be expanded. Marginalization of Indy and its relative importance is the same type of whacko logic that led IMS to create the IRL in the mid-90’s. Instead of spending so much of their time on mutinous behavior and actions perhaps those who actually believe the sport would be better with just a few days in May should embrace the one institution that gives all of them 100% of their legitimacy. I know that for many sliding down a rusty 50 foot razor blade on their scrotums is preferable to dealing with ‘the family’ and their minions but get past it and try a continuously positive approach. It would be a lot better for the sport in general.

-Kudos to IMS for having E-Stand and parts of B open all weekend.

-Phoenix would certainly make for a really great early May race on the schedule. While they are at it, they really ought to consider re-adding Richmond, Michigan, Chicagoland, Kentucky, Loudon and Pikes Peak. I would also add Memphis and Rockingham. Andy Hillenburg was strolling the garages over the weekend and really I hope someone from the Hulman-George cabal has spoken to him. That track could be another Iowa.

-I feel really bad for Michel Jourdain. He is a better driver who was saddled with a monstrous pile of seemingly undiagnosed dung on wheels.

-Got some fine ladies in the field again. My feeling is that Simona and Ana may run well if they stay out of trouble.

-I am amazed by the amount of affection the fans have for Tony Kanaan. Even though he seems like the Lloyd Ruby of this generation it would be really great to see him punch through for the win.

-I am wondering how long Marco Andretti’s newfound patience will last. The kind of patience he needs is the reason the entire Unser family has nine wins and the entire Andretti family has one.

-Carlos Munoz impressed, and he is in the middle of row one. My fervent hope is that he does not pull a ‘that damned Coogan’ move at the start.

-The Andretti Autosport team had a dream month. Will they squander it in the big show?

-It is easy to remain ambivalent about Dario or Helio reaching four. There are others we would rather see sipping milk. Like Tony Kanaan.

-Dave Calabro gets more grating by the year. He tries too hard. There are no Tom Carnegies waiting in the wings, unfortunately.

See you next weekend. It is going to be great. Again. I am very glad I get it and am going for personal race 49.

The Merry Month Of May In Indianapolis at the 500 and Related Pleasures

One of the most enjoyable traditions about the month of May in Indianapolis at the track is consumption of well-prepared pork tenderloin sandwiches.  I like it best when it is dipped twice in buttermilk and egg, and floured then panko’d, then cooked in actual fat in a cast iron skillet. Gastronomically it is about the worst thing one should eat, but when considering only taste buds and not health, once or twice a year is not going to kill anyone.

I like mine in the Hoosier traditional way. Plain white bun, lots of yellow mustard, some pickles and raw onions. The meat must be pounded flat like an elephant ear at a country fair, and there must be way too much for the bun.

It has been nearly a year since my taste buds were so titillated, but that ends tomorrow. In terms of the 500, the dreaded breaded pork tenderloin has become a tradition for many. Some people do not understand that sort of craving either, and it is not worth trying to explain to anyone who has not tried one.

So far this month in and around the track has been mostly free of assholes, but not entirely. Eating tenderloins is always a great asshole repellant. Between 1996 and just a few years ago, there were lots of them. Fortunately many have either grown up, died off or have otherwise developed maturity. There remain a select few, however, whose lack of maturity defies logic. Some of the best racing fans I know have a general interest in the entire sport, and most of them like Formula 1 the best. Some of the best fans I meet every May love Formula 1….but also love Indy and the 500. Some of the worst excuses for fans I know also obsessively attach themselves to Indy and screech about how bad they think it is. These are obviously lying hypocrites.

That is why God made tenderloins. They make dealing with such non-race fans a whole lot easier and spending time with the real ones that much more pleasurable. So if you see a well girthed, aging man in funky shorts devouring a tenderloin, stop by and say hey.

Just a Racing Fan Enjoying The Best Month of the Year…

People have asked this month ‘Disciple, why aren’t you blogging about Indy every day….after all it’s May?’ True dat. Truth is I am having way too much fun actually enjoying the sights and sounds to stop and comment. Perhaps if it was raining non-stop it would be easier, but to my way of thinking even a rainy day at Indy in May is better than a sunny day anywhere else.

May is a time when it’s best simply not to care about the politics, the leadership, or anything else. Just the Indianapolis 500 and those who compete actually matter. For those who fancy themselves racing fans that have never been it is worth the time. You will always be greeted with open arms. For those of you that venture back every year, it’s good to see you again. If the two most recent 500s are any indication we will be in for a whale of a show again this year.

There are plenty of stories to follow as we head into qualifying weekend, and hopefully the weather holds up on Memorial Day weekend. Want to know where to find me for the rest of the month? Somewhere near 16^th & Georgetown is the best guess.

May in Indy – Let’s Hit The Big Track in Speedway!

Now that we are in May it is time for anyone who fancies themselves racing fans to focus on the one event that defines the sport – The Indianapolis 500. A list of items for which I have hope include:

-No rain on any day the track is open. The compressed month of May schedule makes this wish urgent, especially for those of us who need to travel to Speedway for practice days, qualifying and the race.

-That the folks in charge get on the stick with regard to taking a flatbed over to the Home Depot on High School Road to pick up a slew of day laborers to freshen up the grounds or whatever they do at the last second to make it look presentable. Recent visits included dismay toward knee high weeds, lots of rust and a museum parking lot that is literally crumbling. It has not been that long ago that the philosophy of keeping the place pristine was paramount and embraced. This has not been the case since Anton was forced out.

-That the race is as exciting as all of the others in the recent past. If these drivers and cars can create the kind of excitement we saw in the most recent race in Brazil, we do not have a thing to worry about.

-It appears the chicken littles who portend less than 33 about October of each preceding year are incorrect. Again.

-That IndyCar eventually figures out how to make qualifying less gimmicky.

-That Parnelli Jones drives the pace car on the 50^th anniversary of his win. That one is unlikely because there is a movie (Turbo) to promote.

-That D & R figures out a way to keep it going for the rest of the season.

The season thus far has been a pleasant surprise. One glance at the point standings indicates compelling head scratching. And welcome relief. The Foyt team and a driving Andretti in the top 3? Who would have ever believed that was possible?

Now….let’s get cars onto the track!

Almost Here: The Month of May and the 2013 Indianapolis 500!

Now that the month of May is nearly upon us the zombie-like, cart-crapper contingent is in full blown sport destruction mode as they always are around this time every year. It is a real shame they just refuse to grow up. Oh well. Every large family has a drunken black sheep uncle or two, a harlot female that sleeps with anyone, a few mixed race bastards and one or two with an extra chromosome. It is our job to love them for who they are because they are all family.

Occasionally, however, it is refreshing when some of the more elderly curmudgeons simply begin to die off. Pruning dead branches off the family tree is never bad. One such dementia victim is former big time writer and now cranky internet pundit Gordon Kirby. He has been actively engaged in a month-long wet dream fantasy about Formula 1’s favorite midget Bernie Eccelstone buying the Long Beach Grand Prix and returning it to F-1. When he first reported this mostly fantasized rumor the current owners, former cart stalwarts Kalkhoven and Forsythe, laughed it off while denying it’s for sale, said something about not for sale unless someone talks ‘stupid money’ and went on about their business. Even the guy in charge of the event, Jim Michaelian, actually got pissed off about the rumor.

Kirby, however, revels in that kind of dung disturbing. Never mind that Indy Car ratings for original airings outdraw F-1 original airings and all replays too. Never mind that the expense of bringing Long Beach up to the minimum standards of F-1 today causes head scratching. Depending on the straw man he wants to build up to knock over Long Beach is either the second most important event on the IndyCar calendar or is tepid without attendance or ratings.

As an attendee this year the crowd looked good and was definitely enthusiastic so perhaps blithering idiots who still refuse to budge from 1995 should stop standing in the way of natural evolution.

Since May is nearly upon us and the thoughts of everyone who is an actual fan turns to Indy, one bit of great news is that ESPN on ABC is replacing the nearly fossilized Brent Musberger with Lindsay Czarniak. Nothing against Brent, but if the sport is trying to attract millennials ‘you are looking live’ uttered by a 70-year-old man is not going to cut it, regardless of the great things he has accomplished in the past. Czarniak is easy on the eyes, not a puker like some other female racing anchors, and is definitely a fresh face. I personally became enamored of her in the mid-2000s when she worked for channel 4 in Washington. She was solid in the sports desk, listened, and asked really good questions in interviews. She has some racing experience too. She did a lot of freelance and TNT stuff for NASCAR.  What does matter is that Marty Reid still anchors and Scott Goodyear, more effective than Ambien at curing insomnia, still provides color (even if only in a few shades of gray). At least Eddie Cheever will be alongside for ALL the races on ABC this season. He brings an intelligence that is sorely needed.

Here’s hoping the jet stream cooperates this year and that all eight track activity days are rain-free. See you there.

IndyCar’s Mark Miles Has Great Ideas, But One In Particular is Foolish

I like most of the ideas Mark Miles has proposed to move the IndyCar Series forward. He seems to have the confidence of most in the paddock for now (no one ever has that forever…repeated mutiny through the years is proof) and he is taking a systematic approach to incremental growth.

One idea that is really troublesome, however, is a notion a season ending road race at Indy would be worthwhile and profitable. Miles was jawing about that out in Long Beach. The problem with that idea is that it would dilute the 500. Racing fans of central Indiana already have three big events from which to choose, and many can only afford one.

Better idea: Cultivate and build a legacy season closer. There is no reason why it can’t be the third leg of a real triple crown in a place like Fontana.

The only real effect of having an IndyCar twisty event at the end of the season: Relatively crappy attendance for both IndyCar events. Clearly this is clear indication Miles does not yet ‘get’ Indy.

Hopefully this bad idea gets relegated to the circular file. If they want a fall race on the road course get Formula One back. The state of Indiana offered to pay Bernie’s vig last time. Even that is a better idea.

Someone Who Knows What Indy Means

Conor Daly, the young aspiring racer who has been competing the past few years in Euro-formula series with aspirations toward Formula 1, will be in the Indianapolis 500 this May. Daly struck a deal with Foyt Racing to become Takuma Sato’s teammate at Indy. Young Conor knows what Indy means. Most Mays of his 21 years have been spent at 16^th and Georgetown.

Whether he is a fit with the Foyt crew is an open question. Personnel upgrades and engineering enhancements have resulted in better days for the team. What was once thought of as a last stop before the conclusion of Indy Car careers has suddenly become a destination of sorts. Takuma Sato has been doing well, and a young American with talent fits a lot of bills.

Given the way in which competition is micromanaged by the series and partners and a foregone conclusion that the entire field of 33 will be carefully choreographed, we need all the compelling stories we can find. Conor Daly fits the criteria. It is refreshing to find someone as enthusiastic about the opportunity.

Now all we need are about a dozen more of him.

Who Should Drive the 2013 Indianapolis 500 Pace Car?

While the hypersensitive continue to fret about meaningless trivial things such as why Paul Tracy in not listed as a winner on the Dan Wheldon memorial at St. Pete (hint: the race he won was in a series twice removed from IndyCar and they made no bones about the distance at the time and it was a one off two seasons removed from the fresh Indy start) other more important issues are arising as May draws near.

One of the most potentially important issues is who will drive the pace car. Just two years ago it was the 100^th anniversary of the great race and the 50^th anniversary of the first win of the most important legend of the place, A.J. Foyt. IMS, in an inexplicably egregious act of outright stupidity, chose Donald Trump to do the honor. Fan outrage was swift and decisive. That lapse of judgment was quickly corrected when A.J. was given the honor.

This year the new brain trust has a similar decision. Will it be another B-list Hollywood type or something that respects history and tradition? If they choose the latter there is only logical choice: Parnelli Jones on the 50^th anniversary of his win. He was a driver, owner and manufacturer with a rich history at Indy. Old Calhoun is now legendary.

To those of us who deeply respect history this choice should be an absolute no-brainer.

IndyCar Race 1 of 2013 – Very Nice!

Random thoughts after the IndyCar opener from St. Pete:

-It is refreshing to see the Penske/Ganassi level on the same level with most everyone else. The work of folks like Simona and Sato made it a compelling day.

-Hinch getting win #1 is a feel-good story for a variety of reasons.

-The champion had a rough day….but he also had a few last season.

-It would be nice to see J.R. Hildebrand and his team do better.

-Street races are an abomination, even though the current cars and drivers at least make it watchable.

-The NBC Sports Network coverage was outstanding. Leigh Diffey is very good, but his accent may be a detriment when attempting to attract new fans, even though it shouldn’t be. Not saying we need a domestic announcer, but it’s all about perception. Every member of that staff seems to be in the right place, and what we saw on air has been upgraded.

-Tire marbles from tires that degrade rapidly detract from the show, particularly when yellows are extended to sweep them up.

-9 cars in Lights is embarrassing, stupid and should not be tolerated. There are ways to fix the problem, and steps should start today.

-I hope Turbo does not bomb at the box office.

We’re off to a great start, and it’s about time!

Tony George Back In IndyCar Leadership; Deranged ‘Fans’ Flip Out

IndyCar founder Tony George became the 11^th director on the board of Hulman & Company on Friday, five months after resigning to pursue a series acquisition effort with others. He was also voted to an at-large position on the IndyCar competition committee. Potentially the only bad decision IMS/IndyCar made was announcing it on the weekend of the season opening event. The dual announcements were predictably met with a Westboro Baptist Church-like cacophony of abject stupidity from ‘fans’ that have repeatedly stated they will never watch again but never actually go away.

17 years have gone by since Tony George decided to start what was designed to be a complementary series to cart that would not run on the same weekends. Unfortunately the powers that be at cart and their largely formula fan base freaked out and many have not stopped acting like screeching children since. Their levels of intelligence match their levels of maturity. Even though they and their preferred series bought the gasoline and the dynamite, lit the fuses, then began carpet bombing, napalm-style, anything and everything even remotely connected to IMS or IndyCar the only thing they actually killed was themselves. Twice. Then they stupidly blamed Tony George for ALL of their problems, always avoiding mirrors like vampires. Out there in the vacuum of empty thought that is the internet, incessant tirades about the latest return of Tony were swift:

‘Ideally, I wish he just stayed away…’

‘Ugh. Just go away and stay there.’

‘Why does this guy have to keep causing trouble?’

‘Great, they got the conductor back to wave the baton at the front of the parade of stupid that is Hulman and Co.’

‘They reinstate a man who almost bankrupted the sport and helped kill its popularity. No thanks. They do know how divisive of a figure TG is right?’

‘He has not learned anything. He is untrainable.’

Not since Jesus Christ has one man been so crucified over fear, rampant misunderstanding of actual truth and misdirected blame assessment reflective of the failure of others. Worse, the kind of criticism to which we get subjected ad nauseum has no intellectual weight and is generally reflective of a level of maturity typically displayed by four-year-olds.

It is curious that folks who are generally the least qualified to manage any sort of business entity constantly spout off as if they could run the racing entities of Hulman & Company better than anyone they already have, especially Tony. Yet the people in charge (and most of the owners in the paddock) consistently value his participation.

Is it not time for the obsessed to stop clinging to the past and move forward? We have changed decades (and a century) since cart and its minions went nuclear on the sport. Enjoy the compelling product. One look at the top of the starting grid at St. Pete makes it appealing.

Above all, enjoy the season. If you say you hate it and won’t watch why not extend that philosophy (and courtesy) to inane, obsessive commentary about it as any actual adult would?